Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
