How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
