2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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