i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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