Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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