I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
