so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
