it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
