chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
