i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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