I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
