I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
