She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
