I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
