Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
