evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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