I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
