so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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