So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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