Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
