I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
