if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
