she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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