Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
