So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if only i could text you this smell
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
