I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
