So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
