he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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