The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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