mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
