omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
