look no pants
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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