God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
