Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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