Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
