last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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