So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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