Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
