That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
