Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
