Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
