But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
