Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
