I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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