he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
