I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
