"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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