we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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