i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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