Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
